"The Beach" by Joy Rajan

"Just talk to Jesus okay! He is the one who really loves you. Don't forget him! O and put away that book, read the Bible instead. The Bible is food for your soul." "Dad it is just Charles Dickens." "So? What is he going to teach you?" "I read it because I enjoy it." My dad sighed and shook his head. "Come on let's get ready we are meeting your sister  at -" "-Alice Lake Dad." I sighed and got up and got ready.

The two of us drove. I hardly spoke. I just let him play his old school music. I glanced over and could see that he was looking at me. Every chance he could, he would ask me what was going on in my mind. I wanted to shrug my shoulders to avoid answering him but he would get annoyed and kept telling me to stop it. So instead I simply said nothing and that I escaped in my own thoughts again. 

So what was going on in my mind. Really the only thing I could not stop thinking of was the gorgeous police officer that pulled my dad over yesterday for speeding. I could hardly take my eyes of her. She was absolutely perfect. I could have sworn she noticed me. She smiled at me and she had a twinkle in her eye. She even let my dad off with a warning and she winked at me. I froze. I watched her return back to her vehicle. I kept kicking myself, wishing I had gotten her name. But of course, every time I saw a beautiful woman my dad would step in and then direct my attention to a guy nearby. Like the time in the hardware store when I saw the cashier smile at me. Just my luck really, I just happen to be gay and living with my dad who is a pastor. And of course he has to be with me when I run into such cute girls. Just my goddamn luck!

We pulled into the lake. I grabbed Dickens and helped my dad unload everything. My brother-in-law started up the portable barbecue and I sat away from my dad and cracked open a Tale of Two Cities. Thankfully my dad was preoccupied by my nephew to pay any attention to me. I looked up and watched as a woman came out of the lake in her bikini. My eyes were glued on to her perfectly golden skin. I watched helplessly as she walked towards me. It was that same officer. 

"Hi. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to introduce myself earlier. I'm Claudette." "Hi." I said stuttering. I laughed, "I'm sorry.  Hi Claudette nice to meet you I'm Jenna." I stood up and shook her hand. "You're adorable," she said smiling. I blushed. "And you're drop dead gorgeous." She smiled awkwardly and bit her lip. I stood there in front of her dumbfounded. "I guess fate brought us a second chance." She said breaking the silence. "Indeed." I replied trying my hardest to be calm. She looked at me and smiled.. "Can I join you?" She asked. I could hear a slight bit of eagerness in her voice. "Yes, yes you may." She smiled and seated herself beside me. She looked at my book. "O Dickens? I love Dickens." "Do you?" "Yes. My absolute favourite is Pride and Prejudice. I can actually read that book over and over again." "Really?" "Yes. Why?" "It's my favourite. I have lost count how many times I have read it. And Tolkien." She shook her head in amazement. "Well you probably haven't read Kenneth Graham -" "-You mean Wind in the Willows?" She looked at me, her mouth dropped. "My dad used to read it to me growing up." Said I proudly. "You're kidding. My mom would read it to me!" We both laughed. I stopped and watched her laugh. Her voice was angelic. Her laughed melted my heart. I felt my stomach turn. 

She continued talking. About new books she was reading. I listened intently soaking in every word that came out of her mouth. I watched her soft pink lips move. My god I wanted to kiss her. Her hair was still wet, glistened under the sun. I saw water droplets on her skin sliding of her perfect shoulders. I had to stop myself. I moved my gaze back to her face. But her eyes captivated me. They were the perfect shade of blue. Looking into her eyes was exactly like looking into the clear waters of the Bahamas. I could hear the waves gently crashing on the shore and I could see a perfect white beach. For a moment I forgot I was in Canada and I felt myself alone with her in a private beach. I felt my eyes burn slightly and a smile crept up on my face.

"Well. That is pretty much what I have been reading. Have you read anything new?" I shook my head. "I have tried reading other authors. But really the only other author I actually read is Isabelle Allende." "O? I haven't read anything of hers." "No? Well you are in luck. I actually brought a copy of one of my favourite books of hers. Here! You can borrow my copy of Daughter of Fortune." She opened it. "I see it has your number in it as well." I kept quiet. I didn't know what to say to that. "Actually all my books do." I said with a slight smile. She looked at me and winked at me. "You really are adorable." "Why?" I asked. "It's just your honesty. It's refreshing. That and you are beautiful. O! You're dad is glaring at me. I should go. Is this your current number?" "It is." "Okay then. I will text you right now so you have my number. And maybe when your pastor of dad isn't around I can take you out." "I would love that." "Great." She sent me a text. I got my phone and added her as a contact. "Well Jenna, it was nice talking to you. Thank you for the book. I'll take care of it. See you soon." She said, smiled and leaned over and kissed me softly on my lips. I tasted her. She was absolutely divine. I kissed her back. She smiled, winked at me and took off before my dad could say anything. I watched her leave. "Man even her ass is perfect." I said under my breath. 

I headed back to my family. My dad hounded me about her after that. He kept bombarding me with questions about who that woman was, what was she doing talking to me. I looked at him and said simply that she saw that I was reading Charles Dickens and that was her favourite author and we were talking about books. I looked at him and he had a stern look on his face. I could hear the disapproval in his voice. I ignored him and spent the rest of the afternoon with my sister. 

"So? Who was that? She's pretty." "She was the same cop that pulled Dad over a few days ago." "Yea? Does she like you." "She does." "What? Did she ask you out?" I nodded. "Okay we'll talk later Dad is looking at us." "I know, it is so frustrating. I wish he would stop. I came out to him over two years ago. What does he think me being gay is phase and I can just stop and drop everything and just go back to church like nothing happened. He keeps introducing me to all these guys too. And none of them are normal. They all parade around as they are holier than I am and go on and on about the Bible. It's as though that is all they know. I had enough and told one of them off." My sister laughed. "What did you say to him?" She asked still laughing. "Pretty much 'get off you high horse and out of the clouds and live in the real world!' So annoying." "Wow. You need to move out." "I can't. Money." She looked at me with compassion in her eyes. She gave me a hug. 

She texted me later that evening to tell me that dad gave her a talk about how she shouldn't encourage me in my gay phase and if she knew any decent guys she can set me up with. She messaged back saying she has one guy in mind. Friday came. After work I made my way to Starbucks near my sister's home and sat down waiting for my blind date. I looked up and saw this well groomed young man not much older than I was. 

"Hi Beautiful! I'm Mike." I laughed. I loved my sister. It was Mike my sister's co-workers gay brother. We hung out and had a blast. He took my shopping, helped me pick a new hair cut. 

"Girl! You need to cut your hair. Short is in." "I can't!" "O please! Don't listen to your dad. You're hiding behind your hair Sweetie. Trust me!" "Okay! Let's do it." "Awesome! O! And your sister told me about this sexy cop. Do tell!" I told him the entire story. He loved every bit of it. "That's great! She sound special!" "She is and I only met her twice." He grabbed my arm and we made our way to the hair dresser. He opened the door for me and sure enough I saw her on the reflection of the glass door. I turned and I saw Claudette coming out of the coffee shop in her uniform. "Is that her?" Mike asked. I nodded. "Hun, you're drooling." He said laughing. He waved Claudette over. I glared at him. "O please. A babe like that. You need to snap her up!" He went in and talked to the hair dresser.

Claudette came over. I stood there frozen. 

"Hi." "Hi." She smiled. "I see you're getting a make over." "More like embracing who I am." "Hi Claudette! I'm Mike. Jenna's "date" -we're just about to do her hair up. Hun we need to bring your face to life. Come on!" "Well I should go." "Okay. Sorry I didn't get a chance to fully talk to you over the phone. My shifts have been hectic." "It's okay. You did tell me this week was a crazy week for you. Just don't forget me." "How could I? O gosh look at you. You're so adorable. You're like a puppy. Okay. Go have fun. I'll take you out soon I promise and I'll make it worth your while." "As long as I can spend time with you." She smiled at me. Differently. She reached over and pulled me close to her. "I hardly know you Jenna and already you make me feel incredible." She kissed me harder this time. She stroked my hair and my cheek. I closed my eyes and felt her hand on my face. I could picture that beach. We kissed and she left. I turned and made my way into the salon. 

I texted her a picture of my new hair cut to her. She messaged back: "Perfect. It suits you! Can't wait to see it in person. Can't wait to see you."   

We messaged each other back and forth. And when my dad wasn't around I messaged her that it was clear to talk to me. Thank god my dad got a dog and he was out with his mutt for hours. Claudette and I talked about everything imaginable. 

"I have no idea how you live with your dad. What ever happened to your mom?" "O she died when I was young. My dad doesn't talk about it." "I'm sorry. Hey. I promised you that date. Are you free Sunday?" "Perfect! My dad will be in church all day so we can run away and do something fun." Claudette laughed. My sister came over on Friday I told her about my date. If anything I think she was more excited than I was. 

"I'm so glad you found a decent girl. The other two you dated were both total gong shows. "What?" "Yes! The first one was a drunk party girl and the second one? Why did you stay with her for that long?" "First girl I dated for three months before she decided that she wants more out of life and took of to Kelowna or somewhere in the Interior. And Angela, well, I don't know. I thought we had something." "Well! I'm glad you didn't move in with her. How long did that last? A year?" "Not quite. She dumped me because I wouldn't move in with her. She wanted to get away from her mom." "Well at least you had some sense and didn't move in with her. She was a cow! Not to mention stupid." "I know. Anyway! My date!" "We're going shopping! And I'm asking Mike to meet us in the mall. You have nothing."

Sure enough we were at the mall for hours. I looked over and saw Claudette in the arms of another woman. I watched her not knowing how I felt. I tried to look away hoping she would not notice me. But she did. She came up to me. 

"Hey you!" "Hi." I said quietly. Claudette looked at me, she could hear the worry in my voice. "This is my sister Michael. I know we don't look alike. Michael? -" "O! You're  her? O my god my sister doesn't shut up about you." Mike butted in. "Hey ladies! Fancy meeting you her. We're just taking your lady on a fashion make over get her a new outfit for your date." I blushed. Claudette smiled at me. She leaned over and kissed me. I kissed her back. My sister stepped in between us. "Sorry, but Dad's here. We should book it. We don't need drama." Claudette looked at me. I grew slightly anxious. I kept thinking to myself, I finally found someone special and I didn't want our first date to be ruined by dad. 

I felt Claudette hand on my shoulder. My anxiety left me. She looked at me. Her eyes were beautiful and warm. I couldn't look away. "If it is going to be that much of a problem. I'll get my partner James to pick you up and take you. He actually doesn't live far from where you are. That way your dad will see a nice looking young man." "But -" "He isn't flamboyant or anything, so I doubt your dad will notice that James is actually gay." "Thank -" "-Gay? Hmm would he be single?" Claudette laughed and waved good bye. I hated seeing her go. I found myself staring at her ass as she walked away. I bit my lip and I pictured her in her bikini. "Damn!" I heard myself under my breath. Mike grabbed me and we hid away from my dad. 

He took my clothes back to his place and I messaged Claudette to pick up me up from Mike's place instead so it'll be easier. Oddly enough my dad was alright with my staying the night with Mike. I thought that was odd. I found out later that my sister had talked to him. Everything was working out exactly as I had planned. 

Mike and I had a blast. We blared up all the old classics that I grew up with, from Michael Jackson to old school jazz. I was so glad Mike had an amazing stereo. I put him to bed and on Sunday morning woke me up early to get me all ready. 

"Okay Beautiful! Rise and shine. Your outfit is washed, ironed etc. So you are good to go. O! Hair! Makeup. I need help. I'm calling your sister." I sat there baffled. The last time I ever got dolled up with in high school for prom. I looked at the clock and stared at it as both Mike and my sister began attacking with hair brushes, make up brushes, curling irons and god knows what else. Three hours passed and they were finally done. I looked at the clock. Claudette was picking me up in ten minutes. 

I stood outside and saw Claudette walking up to me with a bouquet of flowers. She looked amazing in her suit. She had let her hair down. I don't think I have ever seen it down. She always had it up. I wanted to run my fingers through her beautiful golden hair. She smiled at me. I grew nervous. The entire time Claudette and I were together I felt my hands getting hot and sweaty. I had to wipe them constantly on my legs. 

"You look amazing, by the way. Let me guess Mike and your sister go carried away?" "Yes three hours." "Really? Wow. Same. My sister and I were about to kill each other." I looked at her and we both burst out laughing. Her voice was truly angelic. I felt a strange feeling, like nothing I have ever felt before.  

She reached her hand out to me. I placed my hand in her's and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I looked into her blue eyes and I melted. I let her lead me to her down the street. We walked together my arm in her's and we walked into this small quaint restaurant. The moment I walked into it I felt like I was in Greece. 

"I love this place! I'd come here a lot with my mom. It's her favourite place! We'd come here to celebrate anything. Her wining her long battle with cancer and now me finding you." I felt myself blush. She lead me to our table and pulled my chair out for me. I was quite taken aback by her. She sat across from me and smiled. "I have never met anyone like you Claudette." "Well I have never met anyone like you Jenna." The service was quick and the portions were generous. Even the price was reasonable. It also helped that Claudette knew the family that owned the restaurant. 

I had to admit this was the best dates I have ever been on. Claudette was so easy to talk to. I felt comfortable being awkward and shy around her. I felt I could be myself. I could tell by the way she looked at me throughout the evening that she was really taken with me. We went out every weekend. And every weekend Claudette treated me like a princess. My parents seemed oblivious that I was spending every weekend with my sister. It became a normality.  

Months passed and things started getting serious with Claudette. She wasn't my first woman I dated. I have dated a few girls in the passed. And somehow I have managed to keep all of my past relationships hidden from them. It was easy. None of those relationship got serious or went on longer than a month. Claudette and I were at nine months. I couldn't believe how time just flew by. And still each time she treated me with respect. 

One evening after dinner we were holding hands and taking a walk along the seawall. And she asked me the question that I had dreaded. 

"Hey? Do your folks know about us? I mean we can't keep this a secret." "True. I just wasn't sure if we were going to keep seeing each other though. I just told myself that I would only let my parents know if it was getting serious. And with them not being supportive I just didn't think they wanted to know who I was with -unless it was a guy." "O." "Has it been bothering you all this while?" "Yes." "Why didn't you just ask me. If it bothered you that much we could have told my parents." "No. No that's fine. You have a point. I just forgot that your folks aren't supportive. Mine are. And I've told my mom about you and she is dying to meet you." "I would love to meet your mom. If you wanted me to." "Of course!" We continued walking.

And she stopped and turned to me, "I also had something to confess." She began. I could see the colour returning to her face. My heart pounded louder. "Yes?" "I told her that you're someone special and I could see a future with us." I let go of her hand and stared at her dumbfounded. Her hair flew as a gush of wind brushed past us. I could see her warm kind eyes. I was speechless. "You aren't saying anything." She looked at me frowning. "I'm sorry. You caught me of guard. I just didn't realise I would find anyone who felt the same way about me as I do her." "O? Elaborate." I laughed and blushed slightly. "I've thought about marrying you one day." She grabbed me and kissed me. Behind us the sun was setting. What a perfect scene! It was a warm day and being in her embrace was incredible. Words failed me. Until I heard my mother screaming my name. I kissed Claudette again and turned to see my parents walked towards us. I felt Claudette grip on my hand tighten. I knew were in for a rough night. 

I could see the anger in both their eyes. They glared at Claudette. Oddly enough they didn't speak. I half expected a massive rant of how Claudette had ruined their most precious daughter and how she has tainted her sweet nature and took advantage of my naiveté. Blah, blah, blah. But nothing. I looked at their faces puzzled. What were they thinking. I normally could imagine what they were saying. Their words had haunted me throughout my life. Yet today nothing. Claudette wrapped her arm around me and I around her. I looked at her kissed her and we both smiled at my parents and walked away. I suppose we could have said a lot and spoke in a massive rant defending our love. But in my case I have alway found that actions spoke louder than words. In my choosing not to say anything to them I have told them what they could say or do will not hinder my heart. And I had given mine to Claudette. 

After that night, I started packing. Claudette's mom actually lived near my parents home and had a spare room for me. I took my belongings and moved in with her. 

"I would have you live with me, but -" "'It's too soon. I know. It's okay. I've been living with your mom for almost a month now it's going well. O and my mom actually came to visit me as well." "Really? How did that go?" "Surprisingly well. She was actually quite civil." "Well that is good." "Your dad?" "He still won't talk to me. He hasn't even texted me since I moved out. Anyway, your mom's place is so much more central. I can actually get to work alright." "Well that's good. At least one of your parents is talking to you." "I know." "I'm glad your mom is kind enough to let me stay with her." "Honestly, it's a favour to her. I can't be there for all the time and she needs company. So you being there is actually a blessing for her. So really I should be thanking you." We both looked at each other and laughed.

I was so glad to be free and to get out of my parents place. I could go about my day free and easy. All I really had to do was check up on Claudette's mom, Nicole once in awhile to see if she was okay and if she needed anything. To be honest I didn't mind. My mom called once a week to see how I was doing. She would only speak to me for ten minutes at the most and that was that. It took my dad about five months before he started speaking to me again. He would call, I would say hello and he then he would hang up. I knew it was him. I don't think he realised that we had called id. Nevertheless, this went on for a few months until we actually had a conversation over the phone that lasted approximately five minutes. He asked about Claudette and Nicole and if we were all doing well. I thought it strange that he didn't bring up the Bible or mention anything about Jesus or prayer. I let it slide. In all honesty, I did not want to hear anything about anything. My sister called me to see how I was doing. She on the other hand called me every day. We spoke for at least a half hour, most of our conversations lasted longer about her new puppy. That was the gist of the my family interactions

Claudette took me out to dinner one night. I couldn't believe that it has been nine months since we started dating. She told me to dress up more. I couldn't phantom why. Normally we ate a locally owned restaurants that tended to have a more relaxed casual feel. When I got to this restaurant I could not believe how incredible it was. I looked at myself, I suddenly felt under dressed. 

"O Honey, you look amazing." "Are you sure. I feel really underdressed." "No. No you're perfect." She looked at me. I studied her face but I couldn't guess her thoughts. I usually good. And come to think of she hasn't looked at me that way before. O god what is she up to. I felt my hands getting sweaty. I grew nervous. I looked around and there wasn't many people in the restaurant. The hostess led us to a secure room that was beautifully lit up. I could feel my heart pounding. I could tell she has put so much thought into everything. We had dinner and then I heard music, different from the one playing in the restaurant. I looked at her but she simply smiled at me. After we ate and talked she stood up and put her hand out. It seemed like our usual date, for the most part. Until she took me in her arms and we danced. I looked at her puzzled. She smiled at me. I was so perplexed. She was her usual self. Our conversations were normal. Everything was splendid. And then she went down on one knee and took out a ring. "Jenna will you marry me?" I cried and laughed and amongst all that emotional mess I blurted out a yes. She placed the ring on my finger and we kissed. The both of us looked over and every one in the restaurant stopped to cheer for us. I felt my faced getting red and I buried it in Claudette's neck. 

I used to always hear my dad's voice over and over again reminding me that God is love and not to forget him. I don't know if my dad will ever understand me but when I look at Claudette and the way she loves me I know that God loves me and that is enough for me. It is just love isn't it. Just love.