"Nicole" by Joy Rajan

I awoke the following morning in tears. A sudden rush of sorrow overwhelmed me. I felt alone and helpless. The news of my parents death was still fresh in my mind. It has been two weeks since I received that phone call. 

I had just returned to my hotel after walking through Hyde Park when the phone rang. It was Matthew from the front desk. 

"Miss Henderson? There is a call for you from Canada." "Yes please put it through." A phone call? At this time of the day? That isn't normal. My parents always FaceTimed me or messaged me through Whatsapp.  

"Hi there, is this Maria Henderson?" "Yes this is she." "This is Officer Lavoie. This is not the conversation I want to have over the phone. But you parents were involved in an accident. Unfortunately the both did not make it." I dropped the phone and fell to the floor. I could hear the officer calling my name over the phone but I could not answer. I awoke to find myself laying on the floor still barely able to move. I looked at the clock. My vision was blurry but I could make it out just enough to know that I was laying there for at least an hour. I got Matthew to redial the last call and spoke to the officer again.

"Just call me Nicole." "I'll make my way home." "Do you have anyone -" "-No. I'll make my own way. " "Are you sure? We can arrange." "No. I'll call you as soon I land." "Very well then." I arranged called the airline and got on the next available flight home. I was initially thinking of extending my holidays. There was so much of England I had not seen. Not to sound selfish, but my trip was nearing an end. I was relieved to be coming back home, just not like this. When I landed I saw a RCMP officer waiting for me and on her uniform was the name Lavoie. I came up to her. She looked at me as though she recognised me. I could gather why.

"Sorry I didn't mean to stare. It's just I've met you before." I thought for a moment and then it came to me. "O right. I used to volunteer." I said quietly. She gave a warm smile. I couldn't help notice how beautiful her eyes were. They were this incredibly pure blue. I could almost see stars sparkling -as though I was staring at majestic nebula. I could not help but loose myself in them. I felt myself spinning out of control when she first smiled at me. I felt a rushed of warmth all over me.

She helped me with my bags and brought me home. I never asked but she just quietly brought my bags into our home. 

"Thank you." I said quietly. She smiled again. That beautiful smile. I felt my heart leap. I smiled back at her. I could see her face getting slightly red. I decided to ease the awkward silence and offered tea. She gladly accepted it. 

"I have to head back. I'm still on duty." "Of course. I still have a week off work. So I'll be here." "Okay. Well you have my number. Don't hesitate if you need anything. I know what it's like to loose someone. I lost my brother a year ago." She left. My heart sank when I saw her leave. Despite that though I felt slightly relieved when she left. 

When she left, I stepped into the shower and had a long shower and headed straight to bed. I had no energy to do anything else. The phone rang. It was my parents' attorney. 

"Hi Maria. I know I should have given you more time but I needed to talk to you about a few urgent matters." "Yes. Do come over. Today even if you can manage it." "I'll be by in an hour or so." 

"Maria how are you?" I looked at Mr. Edwards and smiled but I didn't answer him. He nodded understandingly. We spoke for a few hours as he explained my parents' will. I was their only child. I was relieved to find out they did not have debt but they also did not have much. They had been using up their savings generously but they did have a substantial amount in their retirement.

We sat down together and planned out what had to be done. I knew the house had to be sold. I decided to stay in the neighbourhood. My job was near by and I had developed good friendships in this area that I did not wish to be separated from. The market was doing well. I felt as though keeping myself busy with sorting out my parents' affairs would keep me preoccupied and I would not be so focused on my having to deal with their loss. 

They already had their funeral arrangements established a decade ago. It was only a matter of my having to contact their funeral home and notifying them of my parents passing that they began the preparation. I send out word to everyone my parents knew once I was notified of the memorial service. I made plans to sell the house and cleaned out everything in the house and sold off the furniture that I did not want.

Everything was fine until the day of the memorial service. I could not stop crying. I had held my emotions back and held my tears in check till that awful day. Nicole was there. But her being there did not help.

The service went well. They played my parents favourite song - "First Time Ever I Saw Your Face." They played it at their wedding. It was the song that was playing at their prom when they first met. Cliche I know, but they were high school sweethearts. I always envied them. I wish I had a love like that. 

It was now my turn to come up in front of every one. I was nervous as hell. I hated speaking in front of anyone. I was an introvert, I found it taxing enough spending time with one person let alone a room of at least thirty people. I could see everyone's faces. But out of all them only only Nicole's stood out to me. Seeing her was giving me comfort. I suppose I did not want to admit but I was glad to see her. I was glad that she would come to see me. I could not help but wonder if she was feeling the same about me. Glad. She smiled at me. My heart leapt. I took a deep breath and began.

"Thank you for coming. You being here means a lot to me. We are all here to remember my parents. Their lives have touched us all. My parents were not only selfless and caring, they were genuine. And genuine people are rare. I am blessed to have them as my parents. Growing up they have been nothing but encouraging and tough but their guidance and yes even discipline (a slight trickle of laughter came from the crowd) made me who I am today. Mom, Dad, thank you. I know you are watching from above. I know you are at peace and resting, but I do miss you both. I don't know what else to say. I love you both so much." I made my way down to my seat and burst into tears. I felt arms around me. It was Nicole. I could feel her body against me and I felt safe. I cried in her arms. 

I lied. My parents though they did their best, never accepted me. I had constant lectures that being gay was a sin. I was constantly prayed for and even sent to conversion camp. I never told anyone. I just kept quiet and stayed in the closet. But now, now I didn't care how I felt. I loved that Nicole was holding me. I felt something come alive in me. I felt myself break out of my shell. Everyone here in the room were strong Conservative Christians. I couldn't say anything. I could sense Nicole wanted to kiss me. The way she was looking at me was intoxicating. I looked at her and shook my head slightly. She nodded. She understood. It wasn't the time. She took me home. 

"Can you stay?" I asked her. "Maria. I'm a lesbian. And if you must know I am beginning to have feelings for you." "I know. I've been in the closet my whole life. There is so much I need to tell you. Just not yet." "I understand." "No you don't. Not yet. I doubt you'll know." "I suppose. I didn't grow up in a religious background. My family's always been supportive me of growing up. But I did struggle. I think it's best you take some time to yourself. If you need me I'll be here. As a friend." "You just told me -" "-I know. But I can also tell your hurting. You need a friend right now. I can tell you want me. But not like this. I will wait for you." "You shouldn't. I'm not worth it." "Yes you are." "No. You're deluding yourself." "I'll be the judge of that. You are worth it. I know I barely know you. But I feel it in my heart. And I will wait for you. I will wait until you tell me you don't want me." I looked at her. Tears swelling up in my eyes. "I'll never say that. You took my breath away the first time I ever say your face. I felt the earth-" I stopped. She leaned in and kissed me. I felt myself floating. "Good night." She said in that sweet sexy voice of hers. "Good night." I got out of the car and made my way into the house. I slept well until the morning. 

I awoke the following morning in tears. A sudden rush of sorrow overwhelmed me. I felt alone and helpless. The news of my parents death was still fresh in my mind. It has been two weeks since I received that phone call. 

I couldn't take it much longer. I sent in my letter of resignation to my job. My boss was heartbroken. 

"Your the best I've ever had. Take time off if you need it but don't leave." "I have to. I'll be moving. I'm going to put the house up for sale and start over." "You know how the say everyone is replaceable. Well Maria you aren't. But I understand. Take care of yourself." "Thank you." "Your last day at this office can be the last day of your leave. Also use up your vacation. You deserve it. I'll arrange everything with HR. Don't you worry about that Mandi. I'll deal with her." I laughed. "I'm going to miss this place. Working with you has been a privilege." My boss smiled. I said my farewells to my co-workers. Even Mandi was nice to me. Shocking. It must have been a lot for her to swallow her pride. I have no idea what is wrong with her. She was just miserable and she made everyone else miserable. 

In a way it was good that I was leaving. It wasn't the circumstance that I wanted but at least it was done. I never liked working here. It wasn't a motivating and it was well just a meaningless and dead-end of job. Now I can focus on myself and find my own calling. 

"Hi!" I looked up to see Nicole smiling at me. "You're still living here?" "Yeah for now. The house is on the market now. We have someone interested and I have a good feeling they want to buy this house." "O really?" "Yes. Nicole?" "Yes?" "Can you please help me find my own place?" "Sure." I looked at her. Her tone wasn't too convincing. I wasn't quite sure what she was thinking.

"What's wrong Nicole?" "It's nothing. Anyway I should go." "Nicole. You just got here. Stay. I'll order in pizza or something." "I should -" "-Please." I pouted slightly. I heard her sigh. I smiled. I knew she caved. 

I put on a movie and we both cuddled together on the couch. The pizza finally arrived. And I brought out a few tall boys and we cracked those open. It was great having someone with me whom I could talk to. I kept looking at her throughout the movie. I couldn't help but watch as she ate. I wasn't trying to be creepy but seeing a piece of cheese on the side of her lip. I could not help it and without thinking I leaned into her and licked it off. She reached her arms around and kissed me. I have never been kissed like that in my entire life -not that I have dated much. Nicole and I continued to make out. I turned off the movie and took the remote from my hand and pulled me out of the couch. 

I let myself be taken in by her into her arms. I felt myself floating as she lead me. I wasn't sure where but I trusted her and I will go anywhere with her -wherever she takes me. I opened my eyes and before I knew it were were both naked in the shower. We were still kissing. It felt like a dream. I never thought anything so wonderful could happen to me. I never knew I would find love. This was it. 

"I love you Nicole." I said softly. She looked at me with those beautiful green eyes of hers. I saw a tear roll down her face. She smiled at me with a warm smile and said in that same sexy voice of hers, "I love you too." She lead me out to my bedroom and wrapped herself and in my room and she lead me to my bed. 

"Are you okay if we do this Maria? We don't have to if you aren't ready -" "-Nicole. Don't talk." I threw her on the bed and we had sex. It was endless -the ecstasy of love. The pleasure of her tongue and her lips sent me off into a world I thought I could never imagine.  I let myself go when I was under her. We looked into each others eyes and I knew that I had found my home and it was with her. I know we had only known each other for a short time but I knew deep down that she is the one for me. 

I awoke a few hours later still naked and I realised I was sleeping in Nicole's arms. Her body was so warm and so close to mine. I loved it. I sat up a little and began stroking her hair. Nicole moaned slightly and opened her eyes. She smiled at me. I smiled back. "So? You still haven't told me what you were thinking when I asked if you could help me find a place." "O." Was all she said. "Please?" I asked. I nodded slightly. I could see her face change. I knew she could not say no to me. "When you asked if I could help you find a place. I had a thought. I thought maybe if you could live with me." "O Nicole." "What's wrong?" "Nothing. That was a beautiful thought. I would love that. Maybe not right now." "Of course. I just had -" "-I would love to live with you. One day My Love." I kissed her. She kissed me back. And as soon as I felt tongue and placed myself on top of her. "What are you doing?" She asked. "You'll see My Darling. I've been under you for hours. Now it's your turn to be under me." I saw that smile she gave. I reached over to my phone and turned out the perfect song, "Blue Satin Pillow" by Bread. 

Think how you feel in your heart when you climb to the top

Of a big roller coaster ride

You're gettin' high on desire worth waitin'

On the other side

Nicole loved it. The song was perfect. I could see in her eyes and hearing her wanting me drove me crazy. It was amazing. I felt so alive and when were together we were one. She was the best thing that had ever happened to me. She helped me through all of this.

There is no denying it things got hard. There was not a night where I did not help by cry, missing my parents. I just felt a whole -a void in my life that I did not know how to fill. 

I got up in the middle of the night. I looked over Nicole was asleep. I let her asleep since in her job was demanding enough. I knew she needed as much sleeps as much as she could. I made my way to my desk and took out my journal and began writing. 

I felt someone behind me. I turned to see Nicole standing there. She leaned over and wrapped her arms around me. 

"Sorry I didn't mean to read what you wrote. But you're feeling a void? You know you can talk to me right?" "I know. Maybe you should meet my folks. I know you haven't yet. But I think what you need is family. I can't phantom what it's like to loose someone, especially your family. But I also know that they did not support you. Write Sweetie. If it makes you feel better write. I pick up a book that I've been meaning to read for awhile now. I'll be here if you need me." 

I closed my journal and got my laptop instead. I got into bed with her and sat beside her as she was reading I began writing. 

I looked up and Nicole was looking at me with a huge smile. She didn't have to say it I knew what she was thinking. I was thinking the same thing as her. We both realised that we were meant to be together. And this moment that we shared us together she and I knew that we could have for the rest of our lives.

It took a few months but I had finally found my own apartment. Nicole and I had went together to find a few places but I didn't tell her which one I had chosen. The place I found was centrally located to a lot of stores and it was conveniently a ten minute walk from Nicole's apartment. I signed the paperwork and got the movers while Nicole was busy with a new case of hers. I hardly saw her but I got movers and got all settled in. 

"Hey Gorgeous!" "O well hello! Here's my new address to my new place Darling." I waited to see her look at her phone when I texted my address. She gasped. "That's so near my place. O Maria!" "I'm also going to go back to school too as well.  Not sure what yet but I will figure it out." "Hey. I took next week off. Did you want to come with me to visit my folks? The weather has been great and my folks have a place on Vancouver Island. I thought maybe we should go there. Even for a bit. I know it is a bit too soon but - " "I'd love to Nicole."

After her shift Nicole came over to my place. She really liked it I could tell. I showed her around she laughed when she saw my choice of my artwork. 

"Batman really?" "Yes really." "Where did you get them?" "O I painted them Nicole." "Maria? You did all of these? Maria you need to go to art school." "I only paint for myself. I'm self taught and well I'm not that great." Nicole looked at me differently. I could not quite figure out what she was thinking, but I knew she was proud of me. She went around my place looking at all my art that I did. I could tell she was in awe. 

I never had anyone believe in me the way Nicole did. Over time I started believing in myself. I know I am predictable. I went to art school. It was hard. I struggled a lot. What I learned in all my classes really challenged me. I was frustrated and at many time I just wanted to give up. 

"Don't even think about it." I looked at my teacher. Ms Hunter. I slouched slightly feeling overwhelming helpless. She didn't say anymore just placed her hand on my shoulder and walked by to check out what my classmates were working on. 

Nicole came over later that day after work. I gave her a spare key. When I got home she was in the shower. I didn't hesitate. I just joined her. She turned around and there was with her. She just smiled and kissed me. I could feel the warmth of her wet naked body against mine. It was heavenly. She always knew how to kiss me. How to touch me. Every struggle I had, every frustration I felt all faded. As cliche as it was. She brought me peace. She gave me love. 

Loosing my parents was by far the most painful thing I have ever experienced. The pain never left me. It still hurt. There were nights when I cried. There were moments throughout my day that I would just burst into uncontrollable tears. But every time I did, I would see Nicole and I'd remember I still have her. And her love was in enough. Even though my parents' never accepted me or agreed with what I did, I had a feeling that they were proud of me. If they were alive they would never accept Nicole. I was fine with that. Now that they were gone, I don't feel burdened by their opinions -or anyone else's for that matter. It was just Nicole and I. What we have is just love. 

End.