My Angel by Joy Rajan

                                                                                My Angel

By Joy Rajan

I made my way through each aisle looking carefully at the grocery list my mom made out for me. 

I don't think I have ever been so cautious about anything -especially not a grocery list. But what else could I do? Thanksgiving was around the corner and we had to prepare for our family dinner. Especially this year. The year we finally found a cure of the global pandemic. It's been a brutal pass few years. I'm only thankful to one of the few able to work -definitely a lot to be thankful for. And my asthma was finally under control. 

Spoke to soon. 

It began with a slight cough. I tried my best to take in deep breaths and continue on my shopping but the coughs only worsened. A sudden chill of fear took over me. I had just learnt of an old childhood friend who had an asthma attack and dropped dead on the spot. Would that be me? I watch as people avoided me. I tried to get help but when I looked the store became emptier by the minute. A police officer was nearby she. I could tell she sense the fear in my eyes. She asked how I was and if I could breathe but I couldn't. Amongst the coughs I started gasping for air. I saw a bright light and I thought it was the end.

I managed to look up to see a kind face looking at me. I heard her say doctor and help before I passed out.

I awoke to, confused and dazed. A few people were mumbling. But I suppose they were barking at one another. I could barely comprehend what was happening to me. From the lights and me being on my back I had a sense that I was being rushed into a hospital. 

There was one point amongst the chaos where I saw that kind face again. My eyes regained a bit of strength and I could see her face. She was gorgeous. She took my breath away. I smiled (well at least I think I did). And then everything faded out again. Darkness.

I awoke again and found myself in a hospital bed. The same officer was sitting beside me. I could see her kind brown eyes looking at me. It wasn't too bright in the hospital room but she glowed. She glowed like an angel. I felt myself fade out again. Maybe it was just the drugs then. 

I heard a kind voice muttering away. I couldn't really make out what she was saying. But I heard the concerned tone of her voice. 

"Is she going to be okay?" "We're keeping an eye on her. Have you contacted her family?" "I tried. No one in answering. I have to go...here is my number please call me when she wakes up." 

I woke up. She was gone. The nurse came up to me with a glass of water. She spoke to me kindly and warmly. 

"You'll be okay. We finally got a hold of your parents and they are on their way to check on you." "Denise? Did you call that officer?" "O! I forgot. I'll call her right now. Hang on Miss Hemming." "O please just call me Samantha." The nurse smiled and excused herself after giving me a glass of water. I felt so much better. 

I ate dinner shortly after. I was quite surprised actually. I always imagined how awful hospital food was. I mean it was pretty bad. But not as bad as I had thought it would be. Not sure if that gives you any sort of encouragement. I really don't recommend being in any hospital. It's the worse. The nurses don't let me do anything. I was bored. I couldn't go on my phone. There was no television. I couldn't get a book out of my bag. O please don't ask about the bathroom situation. I'm not talking about it. 

I looked up. No family. Typical. But she came. Why? She barely knows me. OMG she's glowing. She's so hot. No not just in her uniform. She's wearing jeans and a hoodie. And her hair. She it down. O it brings out her eyes. OMG! What am I doing??!! My parents are going to kill me. I haven't come out to them. I don't think I ever will. I can't. 

As soon as I saw her gaze turned to me I quickly turned my head to the window. I looked out at the trees. Their leaves had already changed. Bright yellow and faded red. The sun only made them sparkle. I love Fall. It is my favourite season. 

"Hi. Nice to see you up." I turned around. I felt my body shiver. No it wasn't cold. That is just her. She's like a cool breeze. I smiled faintly. I was too embarrassed to talk to her. I felt rude.

"Did you bring me here? And save my life?" I asked dumbly. She smiled and nodded. "Thank you." "You're welcome. You scared me back there. I thought we were going to lose you. But you pulled through. I must say you are so brave." "And you so beautiful." I froze. OMG did I just say that out loud. 

She blushed. "Am I?" I looked at her. Her eyes sparkled. "Well then. You owe me a date." "Seriously? But I'm not out. My parents will kill me. And then -" She looked at me. I stopped. "Yes." She smiled. She just kissed me lightly on my lips. She didn't ask. She didn't tell me she was going to kiss me. She just did. I loved it. I felt myself exploding inside with such joy. Until I turned to see my parents staring in horror at us. I froze. I felt fear strip away everything that was inside me. 

"Are you okay?" I shook my head. She looked over to see my parents. My mother cried. My dad too. They left. "I- I should go." "No don't. Never mind them. Don't go. I'm Samantha by the way." "Hi Samantha, Dani -Short for Danielle." 

She took my in a wheelchair up to the terrace in the hospital. She ordered in food and we ate together. I felt odd being in my hospital gown. But she covered me in a robe. It was lovely. 

I haven't heard back from my parents since they saw Dani kiss me. I called them but they didn't reply. I called my sister. She picked me up from the hospital. She got her boyfriend to get his truck and they helped me back. I sat down and wrote a note to my parents and left it on their kitchen counter

Dad. Mom.

I know you are upset and don't understand. But I have decided not to hide anymore. I am lesbian. I know this goes against everything you taught me. It is a choice in the sense that I have chosen not to live a life anymore. I cannot bear to stay hidden and pretend that everything is okay when it isn't. I have met someone. Maybe my relationship with Dani won't last. Regardless of that. She -in a matter of minutes helped me get that push to finally tell you. 

It is wrong to hide. It is wrong to live a life. I know your understanding of your faith has shun me out of your life. I am hurt. I don't have all this figured out. And I don't expect you to understand. But just how you stopped talking to Jamie -I guess you'll have to stop talking to me too. 

Take care

I still love you both

Sam

"You okay Sis?" "Thanks Jamie. You and Matt helping me -it means a lot." "So? Who's this mysterious Dani? Can we meet her?" I laughed. 

My sister, Jamie. She's just two years older than me. We weren't close. But that was my parents. They kept us apart because they knew she would be a bad influence in my life. They didn't agree with her moving out and dating "all those men." There was just three guys. And she didn't get serious with any of them except with Matt. He was special. I wanted that. I wanted someone special. I wanted someone who could see me and love me for who I am. I really hope Dani is that one. I know it's only been a short while. Two weeks. But she was the angel I needed to set me free from a life of lies and pain. I was drained. Tired of hiding who I am.

I don't have things figured out. But now that I could live in my sister basement. My own space. A safe space where I can just be.

I know everything happened so fast. Just like that my parents stopped talking. There has been history before. Sorry I didn't mention. Dani wasn't the first girl. My parents have caught me with a few others. There was Amelia from High School and then University. We broke up because of two main reasons. One she couldn't do long distance relationships and two my parents. It was too much for her. I was heartbroken when she left through those doors. I sought counselling after that -tried to get cured from all this. My parents did their best to help. But when Jamie introduced me to her friend Tamara -things got stirred up all over again.

My parents fought with Jamie. They didn't talk to for two years. I was left to fend for myself. They didn't blame me. I was the poor naive one who was taken advantage of by an evil sister. Now Dani. She just let the walls crumble around me. I could finally breathe. And Jamie helping me get out of the cage that my parents made to keep me locked away was icing on the cake of freedom. 

"Hey you!" I opened the door wider to let Dani into my new home. "Wow. This is nice. Your sister helped hey!" I nodded. "Come on it. I'll show you around." "O wow!" "Yes I painted all that." Seriously?" I blushed. "Sam! You're so talented. You never cease to amaze me." "Thank you. Hey?" She looked at me. Slightly worried. I looked at her reassuringly. "What's wrong?" "Do you think we be friends." "O." "No, no. I just feel something so special with you. It would mean a lot if we could take it slow and build a strong friendship between us." "O Sam. Of course we can. After all I always wants to spend my life with my best friend." She froze. I burst out laughing. She laughed too.

I nodded smiling like an utter dork when I she spoke. She looked at me. I could see how wonderful it was to be myself around her. What a gift. She really is an angel. My angel

End.