Something by Joy Rajan

 Something

A Short Story by Joy Rajan


I am so drawing a blank. I am not sure what to say or let alone what to write. I spent my  days dreaming of my dream wedding with the right man. I dreamt he would sweep me off my feet and treat me with respect. I guess it never occurred to me that I was a lesbian even though everyone around me know. It is funny now that you think about it. 


I heard people’s coming out -but I never really understood what it was like. I had a supportive family. Despite all that support, I never had much luck with dating. 


My ex never gave me much hope either. I came out of those two years realising that the person you thought was the one never truly loved you at all. I suppose a part of me feels scared that I will end up being manipulated, used, and lied too again.


Well here I am a year later sitting here in a coffee shop that I often go to. And here I am  awestruck by a beautiful woman.  I felt like an utter idiot with my heart pounding and my eyes falling to ground when she smiled at me. Her blue eyes sparkled when the sun peered through the blinds. I thought to myself that was it, she'll probably walk away to her partner. Or better yet knowing my luck with woman she’s straight.


Why is it so hard to be with someone? Why is it hard to find someone? Am I the only who falls for the wrong person? After my ex I fell for another girl but there was just too much going on in her life and she wasn't ready to be open and committed. Well I can't blame her. She came from a really strict background and her parents were controlling. Alyssa had to lie every single time to come out to see me. What made it hard was that she was just as crazy about me as I was about her. And she was just the most incredible, funny, and beautiful. Regardless of her family I continued to see her.


"Hi!" I snapped out of my train of thought. I just realised that I hadn't taken my eyes off of her since she smiled at me. She bit her lip and sat down in front of me. I froze not knowing what to say or do. I had no idea what I got myself into. 


"Hi," I replied. She smiled and laughed slightly. She had the most adorable laugh. It was soft but unique. It wasn't the annoying lough squeaky shrill laughters that I hear a lot. You would be surprised at how fast you loose attraction to someone as soon as the open their mouths. 


"My name is Tracy. And yours?” She asked me still smiling. I kept hearing a voice in my head -answer her!  “Jenny." I said awkwardly. "That's a beautiful name for a beautiful woman." I blushed. She just smiled at me. I lost myself in her eyes. I can't help thinking to myself that there is something different about Tracy. I have to know her more. I wanted to know everything there was about her. I was scared but I couldn’t help but relish in her, she’s a new mystery.


She continued to talk. And as shy as I was I felt oddly comfortable with her. We talked about almost anything. From the pathetic topic of the weather to the latest events that were broadcasting on the news. We spent the rest of the afternoon just talking. She'd ask me about myself and I answered her.


"Are you alright Jenny? I hope I am not making you uncomfortable." "In a good way I assure you. It's strange how easy it is to talk to you. I feel like I can tell you everything." "I'm glad. I feel the same way and I've known you -" She stopped and looked at her watch, "a good two hours." We both laughed. "Did you want to get out of here?" I nodded. She stood up and held out her hand. I took it and I felt butterflies in my stomach. "I'll follow you anyway." I caught myself saying it out loud. She smiled at me. I was taken aback. Her smile was absolutely incredible. It truly lit up my world. I felt myself floating when I was with her. I couldn't understand it? Was I in love? Already? I barely knew Tracy, but I felt as though I did know her. There was just something about her that was so incredible.


We made out way down the street to the sea wall. The sun continued to shower us from above. It couldn’t have been a better day. 


I kept thinking I’ll wake up tomorrow and that’ll be it. That this was all a dream and Tracy was a figment of my imagination. But at the same time I felt something -I felt that was not a dream but it was real. We exchanged numbers and she gave me the longest hug good bye. As I pulled away from her I brushed my hand down her arm. I could feel her shiver. I wanted to kiss her but I wasn’t sure. When she looked at me I could tell she was reading my thoughts.


“You can kiss me goodbye.” She said softly. Her voice changed. It was deeper and sweeter. I kissed her lips softly. And we both smiled. She kissed me back. I held her hand in mind for a bit and at last she waved good bye. I watched her walk away but I wasn’t sad. I knew I’d see her again.


I went home feeling like I was floating. I couldn’t stop smiling. My family knew something was up. But I wasn’t ready to say anything to them yet. 


Tracy and I continued to text and talk after. It was so strange how easy it was to talk to her. She was becoming my best friend and whatever we have is truly something special. I don’t know if it is going to last or not but it didn’t matter. Sometimes you just have not worry about things you can’t control -be happy and enjoy the now. After all something small could turn into something so wonderful.


End

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