A Cure Part 2 by Joy Rajan

 A Cure Part 2 

By Joy  Rajan

    Well I got my toothpaste, and popcorn, and chocolate. And I thought to myself since I was out that the liquor store was a brilliant idea. Why not. And yes of course I got groceries. Need to eat too. 

    I started at my naked self in the mirror. I've tried so long to get out from my family's shadow -they never thought much of me. It's been what close to thirty years of them making me feel like I will never amount to anything. My mom told me once that I might as well marry someone rich. Of course she meant a rich man. No thank you. Contrary to their incessant homophobia I still hoped I could marry for love. She has to be out there right?

    O I know -I won't get meet anyone sitting in front of my computer. Seriously it's quite sad -me sitting her pining for a woman whom I have not met. All this conflict in my head. Does she exist? Can I really get married? Honestly, what is stopping me.

    O I have a list I suppose. One, people aren't trustworthy. Well they lie, cheat on you and use you. And. Pause. I don't know. I used my family as an excuse for so long I suppose there isn't much else I can say. I feel like I'm that cat meme that went something like this....

    Cat: Will I ever be rid of this loneliness

    Human tries to pet the cat

    Cat: Don't fucking touch me

    Cat: O this loneliness 

    I'm paraphrasing. Couldn't remember exactly how it goes. But that cat is so me. I always long for people and friends but push them away. But I don't want to let anyone in. My anxiety builds up and I feel myself building walls around me. Maybe that's why I can't open up to anyone.  

    I heard my phone. It was my sister. WHAT? She set me up on a blind date? Her? Seriously? I paused for a moment. Well it can't hurt. I won't lie but her friends are hot. It's true. Yes I know they're straight -I won't go there. Been there before. Never again. (I know I say that -watch me fall for another straight girl again and wonder why I get broken hearted...but I can't help it). 

    Well I texted her back saying yes. Can't really hurt. If it's really awful blind date I could escape to the bathroom and next out the emergency exit. Come to think of it. I better go early to check out the restaurant and see for myself if there any good ways to sneak out should the day go sideways.

    You laugh. But seriously -watch....she'll stick me with the bill. Best to be prepared. 

    The next day I made me way to the restaurant and checked it out. It was a good venue. And perfectly there was a door to exit right by the ladies washroom. And no -no alarm when you open it. It was propped open. O that's perfect. Maybe when we meet I'll grab a sit but the far wall so she can't see me sneak out.

    "Are you need a place to sit?" I looked up at the waiter. I had to say yes. I nodded. "Just for one?" He asked. "Yes thank you." I smiled -trying not to be awkward. Failed terribly of course. I sat down and just ordered a drink and some appetisers. It was nice to get out. I watched as a really pretty lady walked in. She was by herself. I listened -her accent -she's Irish. And her eyes were green. All I could think of was wow. I watched and studied her. She appeared to do the same thing I did. She grabbed a seat on the table next to me. I watched she ordered the same thing as me. A pale lager  and mini burgers. 

    I tried my hardest not to look her way. But I found myself looking up to see her reflection in the mirror. Well I doubt she's gay. Maybe she is. I have a really bad gaydar -if that really exists. I still have conflicting thoughts about that. 

    "I like their lagers." I looked up and she was looking at me. "Yes it is good. It's refreshing -especialyl in this heat." "Have you been here before?" "No I haven't." "I have -this is the second time. No idea why the exit door is open though. Lack of privacy." She laughed. Really I thought. It was to my benefit. "So what made you come here? You said you have never been here before." "My sister told me about this place." "Your sister?" I nodded. "O! You're Lucy's sister." I looked at her. She laughed. "We're suppose to be on a blind date tomorrow." "O!" I said startled. "You look like. A lot cuter though." She winked at me. I felt myself froze. 

    "Do you want to sit with me then." I nodded still unable to speak. She thought I was cute? No one as gorgeous as her every gave me a second look. I was always too "manly" for a lot of women. Not their type. And she thinks I'm cute.

    I listened to her talk. She was playing with her hair. She even brushed her leg against mine. All the signs were there. But could it be? I'm sure tomorrow -when she sees me she won't be interested and she'll find someone else. She stopped talking. She looked at me concerned. She placed her hand gently on mine. I felt a massive surge through my body at her touch. She was magnificent and I barely knew her. 

    "Are you okay Sue?" I nodded. She smiled softly. I could tell she wasn't convinced by my nod but she seemed to understand. 

    She walked me home and even kissed me good-bye. 

    "See you tomorrow?" She looked at me puzzled. "Of course! I'll see you at the same restaurant tomorrow at five thirty." She said assuredly. I kept hearing myself praying that she will show. 

    I couldn't sleep that night. I kept thinking to myself -what if I'm late. Or what if I get there early and she never shows. And then minutes later I see her in the arms of another beautiful woman. I still can't see it. How can she be interested in. I mean seriously, what I can offer anyone?

    How I wish I could find a cure. I don't want to be gay anymore.