Hiding A short story by Joy Rajan

                                                                             Hiding

A short story by Joy Rajan

I watched as she played with her daughter. The two of them were practically glowing with such joy. I couldn't take my eyes off of both of them. I never told Mary how much I admired her. She had gone through so much this past couple of years. She had just come out to her family. Her immediate family were supportive of her and her life was going so well. She was sixteen when she realised she was a lesbian. Unlike me, she had the full support of her family.

But there was a dark time in the family and it happened a year after I met Mary. And it all had to do with Mary’s uncle. From what her family told me no one had suspected her uncle. He was admired and loved. Uncle Ed.

Mary's mother, Margaret always told me that Uncle Ed was so attentive towards Mary and did nothing but care for her as though she was his own daughter. So why would he rape her? Now she is a twenty-six year old with a three year old daughter, Rachel. 

I remember when Rachel was born. Mary lied to the nurses telling them that I was her wife so I could be there. It was nice of her. But despite all my efforts in wanting that lie to be a truth, Mary never saw me as anything but a friend. Deep down I always wondered why that was. After all Rachel's middle name is in fact my first name Elizabeth. 

It's been five years now. I have no idea how I have concealed my love for Mary for so long. Her family didn't seem to notice. They considered me to be Mary's sister. I was just a friend. One who has always been by her side, loving her silently. Who wouldn't love Mary? She was the kindest, generous, and the most beautiful woman I have ever known. I have dated. Mary had dated but both of us felt that none of the women we had dated were never enough. 

I had often asked myself why am I still here? Why do I still linger? Should I not give up? But truth be told it hurt more to leave her. It felt wrong. I couldn’t help but just love her. I thought perhaps over time, my love for her would fade and I would see her as she saw me, a friend. But that is not so. It was quite the opposite. The more I saw her, the more my love for her grew. My family was not all pleased with my spending all my time with both Mary and Rachel.

I woke up one day and found little Rachel curled up next to me with her teddy bear. She was always with it. I had given it to her when she was two. 

I always wanted a daughter -a wife. But what am I doing? I can’t have it as long as I am with them. 

I got out of bed as quietly as I could and got ready for my counselling session. 

“Where are you off to?” I looked up to see Mary walking out in her bathrobe. Her hair was wrapped up on a towel. She just had a shower. I could smell the sweet lavender of her soap. She and Rachel were staying at my place while her place was getting renovated. 

“It’s Friday.” “O right. Counselling. See you when you get back.” She smiled at me. I nodded slightly and left.

I poured my heart out to my counsellor. My heart was heavy. 

“I think it’s time don’t you.” “I think it was time years ago.” I said quietly. “You will when you are ready. And I think your heart is ready to move on. Sorry Eliza -but you can’t sit around waiting for Mary to love you back.” “Well she does love me -just not the way I want her too.” Silence. I nodded. 

“What you are going to do?” My counsellor asked. “I think it’s time to take that job transfer my boss was asking me about.” “You mean leave Toronto?” “Yes. It’s in Vancouver.” “A fresh start.” “I think I need it.” 

I called my boss and told him the news. He was thrilled. 

“But why so sudden? I’ve been hounding you for weeks.” “I think it’s time.” I said softly. “Well maybe space between you and your parents will be good.” I laughed. He had a point. But I was thinking of space between myself and Mary. 

I went home and saw that Mary and Rachel had gone out. I got in touch with my cousin, Andrew and he came over.

“Wow. So you’re taking the job. More money?” I nodded. “Or is it more to do with getting away from Mary.” I looked up at him. I could see the look on his face. No sense lying. He knew how I felt about Mary. 

I quietly made arrangements with him. Luckily for me Andrew had friends and contacts in Vancouver. He helped me prepare for the move and within a month I was all packed up and on my way to Vancouver. I’ve been there before a few times but I can’t say I took to the weather. It was a lot milder for sure but it rained an awful much. Maybe it’ll grow on me. 

I let Mary stay on at my place and she had Andrew’s number in case she needed anything. It wasn’t long any way. Her place was finished surprisingly earlier than was expected. And she had met someone too. I was relieved. I felt like I could finally move on and breathe. We kept in touch but I kept it at a bare minimum. When she asked why I left I told her it was because of my parents and the job offer was something I couldn’t refuse. I still can’t believe I had hid my feelings for her for all those years. I was hiding. For good reason too. Her family will never accept me. 

Andrew’s friend. Well I should say “friend” was kind. Matthew. I couldn’t help but think there was something more to them than just friends. Something of a spark was ignited between the two of them. I would not be surprised if there was a flame that sparked from those two. I watched as Matthew talked about Andrew. He tried so hard to blush. Why are we hiding. Me -hiding from Mary. Matthew from Andrew.

“You love my cousin don’t you. Or at the very least like him a lot don’t you.” He nodded. “Obvious isn’t it?” He asked blushing. I laughed and nodded. “Well he’s coming here in a week so ask him. Or I will for you. Look I moved to Vancouver because I was hiding my love from someone. Don’t hide yours. It hurts.” He looked at me. His face grew somber. 

Vancouver was growing on me. Even the rain over time didn’t bother me as much. In fact I liked it a lot. I even got two pairs of Vessi shoes. I love them. Really comfortable. And our office was business casual so I got away with wearing one of my pairs. 

I was getting worn out one day at work. Meetings after meetings. I needed to get out. I looked at my watch. It was time for lunch.

I texted Matthew and he agreed to have lunch with me. I headed out and let my colleague Jenna know that I was out for lunch. 

I made my way out. It was pouring. I starting to job a little and as I was about the turn around to the corner I bumped into someone. We both looked at each other. She smiled. 

“So sorry.” She said. Her voice, her accent, it was sweet and lovely. “No it was my fault I didn’t look where I was going.” She laughed. “Well in this rain who can see anything.” “True.” I said. We both laughed. “Elizabeth.” I said holding out my hand. “Maria. Nice to meet Elizabeth. O here. My number. Please call.” “Seriously?” “What? Why not. O are you with someone.” “No very single.” She grinned. “Good. Enjoy your lunch.” “Thank you.” She made her way. “O Maria?” She turned to look at me with those big hazel eyes. “Yes?” “Let’s do dinner some time.” “I’d like that.” I waved and she waved back. She was adorable.

Naturally I sat down in front of Matthew and told him everything. He nodded. Some how I got the sense he already knew.

“O yes. She’s a co-worker of mine.” “O! You brat! You planned it all.” He nodded and sipped his wine. I laughed. “Well thank you.” I said smiling. “Good!” He said and clapped his hands together, “now my dear Elisa you can stop hiding.” I laughed.

End.